


Over, Begun

by Cesare



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Trans Character, Transfic Mini Fest, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-15 01:14:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/155469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cesare/pseuds/Cesare





	Over, Begun

Jennifer never really understood what was happening, why they were fighting more and more often, why it was going so wrong, until after the breakup. When she finally learned the truth, she just sat there on the pier, lukewarm can of Bud in her hand, embarrassed by her own surprise, ashamed of her silence but unable to break it.

"I know it's probably the last thing you expected. That I'm the last person you'd think-- believe me, I know it's not-- I mean, I do own a mirror."

"No," Jennifer said, putting the beer aside, reaching to touch as gently as she knew how. "Honey, don't."

"Well, I _do,"_ came the peevish reply.

She stood. "C'mon, come with me," and led the way back to her room.

They'd always made love here, and she was maybe starting to understand why, now; that and other little things. Like Rodney's endless fascination with her body, both flattering and just a little too much, when they were dating.

She'd thought maybe it was because of the age difference, and even fleetingly wondered if there was a little bit of Lolita in his attraction to her. All her life, her age was so often remarked on, and people kept telling her that she looked even younger than than she was.

It was a small relief to know now that it wasn't anything like that.

"Here, sit on the bed, okay?" Jennifer dragged a chair over and got down her train case.

"No. Look, I appreciate the gesture, but I'd feel ridiculous."

"I want to. Please. Rodney... Meredith," Jennifer corrected herself, sitting opposite and opening the case. "Let me."

The corner of Meredith's mouth pulled down steeply, but the expression in those blue eyes was unmistakable, looking at the little palettes of jewel-toned colors with open longing.

"It's okay," said Jennifer, and offered a coral pink lipstick.

Meredith held onto it like a talisman while Jennifer used foam wedges and brushes to smooth colors onto the face she'd come to love, and loved still, now, she realized; still, and so much.

The love didn't surprise her; the pain did. Once she'd wanted to spend her life with Rodney. She was glad to know the truth about what happened between them, and she wanted to be a good friend to Meredith, but for now it still felt bittersweet.

She took care with the lip pencil. "Okay, go ahead, lipstick now. Top lip, then... what am I saying, I'm sure you know."

The imperious glare was the same, mascara regardless. "Of course."

Jennifer hopped up and found the cute rose beret she bought on a visit to San Francisco, and the matching scarf; they were light knits, just enough to keep the foggy damp out of her hair during those months Atlantis spent in San Francisco Bay. The hat, the scarf, and a mirror.

She settled the beret on Meredith's head at an angle, draped the scarf, and held up the hand mirror.

Meredith took it, and looked. When she spoke her voice was gentler than Jennifer had ever heard it. "You did a good job. Better than when I do it."

"If you want, next time I'll show you what I'm doing," Jennifer said. "I'd like to help. If you want." Hesitant, she continued, "We can synthesize hormones. It wouldn't be reliant on the supply chain from Earth. And beyond that... I know you're aware of the possibilities here."

"I can't. Everyone already thinks I'm pathetic for losing you, if they knew about this--"

"It's Atlantis," Jennifer said. "People here are better than that. And anyone who isn't, they'll learn."

Meredith put down the glass carefully on the bed next to her, looking down at it, at her hands. They'd always been exquisitely manicured, no matter how busy Rodney... how busy Meredith was.

She said, "This past year, I've had to consider a lot of things I'd been avoiding. I think... I hate the idea that anyone will know I've been unhappy. Let alone why. And if they're not too busy freaking out over it, they'll wonder why it took me so long. _I_ wonder."

"It took as long as it took," Jennifer said. She'd always been glad she took sensitivity training in med school, and she's even more grateful now, when it's so personal. "It can't be easy," she said, putting her hand over Meredith's. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you felt you could."

"You took it better than I expected." Meredith leaned to glance down into the mirror again, and met Jennifer's eyes. "This is, it looks, it's. It's good. Thank you." Wistful, she said, "You can almost see it, can't you?"

Jennifer sat forward and cupped Meredith's face and kissed her cheek. "I see her," she said. "I see you."


End file.
